Like A Champion

This past weekend my sorority had a retreat called Dove S.P.A. This year's theme was More Than Skin Deep. During the sessions of the weekend, the speakers and committee challenged us to look within ourselves. Forcing us to be better women in every aspect of the word. That is a condensed version and doesn't really do it justice, but you get the point. By the end of the weekend, I took away so much, more than I expected...what I didn't expect.

It's crazy how God orchestrates certain things in your life. I met sisters that I didn't know that shared some of the same common interests, creating bonds that I see as long-lasting. And for those sisters that are already close to me, I feel as though our relationship strengthened even further. All ties that, for me, I know I will need.

I have been pretty transparent as to the struggles thus far with this whole process of producing my first production. However, many of the struggles that I have mentioned have been anxiety, stress, or people interactions. I haven't really talked about the emotional and spiritual journey that this entire thing has been taking me on (in addition to other areas within my life). Many of those burdens I took with me this weekend. I felt removed and as if I would just fail at life. That I was not as strong and confident as I should be to do this. But by the end of it, I was able to let go and release a lot of troubles out of my hand and put it (and leave it!) in God's.

Have you ever felt like that? That you were carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders? And right before you felt like you were about to hit the ground, something or someone comes along to help lift that burden. And it's like you can breathe again. Like your chest just opened up and all of this fresh air just rushed in. Well, I was able to make some room in this head of mine and just let my thoughts be.

This journey will be rough, there will be obstacles along the way. As I conquer one mole hill, I'll come across a mountain. But what I'm learning is that I not only have to recognize the battles, fight them and leave them there, in that moment. To trust that God will provide every direction, every step and open every door. He wouldn't be taking me on this journey if He did not already have the resources for me. I just have to be confident in that and not stress my life out! And by doing that, the rest will fall in place. I emotionally and spiritually won't be stressed out. Those things won't fall last on my list and get the least of my attention because I have entrusted everything else to the One that can and will work it all out.

As my weekend was winding down and I was checking out of my hotel, a friend of mine sent me a text message. Again, speaking to God's timing, it was so appropriate and sent to me at the right time. And as simple as the words were, it was exactly what I needed. I leave them with you:

"I hated every minute of training, but I said, 'Don't quit!' Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion."- Ali

Second Round of Auditions!

Pass it along!

Blindfolded

Wrote this piece to get something off my chest about an important relationship, or lack thereof, in my life. This is my therapy...

Blindfolded, gagged and bound
Dazed, confused, and lost
Held captive in this hallow place
No escape route or savior in sight.
Not sure what got me here.
Not moving because of my fear.

Sitting here scared and bewildered
I question how I let this happen.
To let my captor come in,
To trust so easily and let down my guard.
I put up no fight,
Assuming that this familiar face would do me right.

Always present,
Feeding me lies masked as promises.
Desperate for this love,
Life continues as if on repeat.
Now my hopelessness is buried deep inside,
Surface level, tough exterior to mask my pride.

On the interior I cry out for your attention.
Puzzled how you cannot hear nor understand.
Someone that deserves your undivided observation,
But one minute from you is hard to obtain.
So further and further this wall I built,
Not one bit of hesitation, not one ounce of guilt.

Content I became with the decisions I made.
Feeling as though I had some control.
Moments passed by when weakness crept in.
Quickly I shook them off and my façade I regained.
Comfort and notions of acceptance,
A lifestyle that I believe I deserved as penance.

So when my captor showed up at my door,
For a moment I forgot what I had built so high.
Thinking that this was the moment of true redemption.
That I would gain what I desired and justly deserved.
But my hopes were dashed as I was taken captive,
Dreams destroyed and a future that looks negative.

In that weak moment, my captor got the best of me.
By the time I tried to fight back, I had no handle.
My grip had slipped and I was overpowered.
Taken down and knocked out from the fall,
I lay there lifeless, ready to give in;
Everything goes dark and the torture begins.

Maybe this is what I am worthy of.
My justice or someone’s warranted revenge.
While my initial reaction is to struggle and react,
Part of me wonders what’s the point?
This is a place that, in a way, seems like common ground,
And I feel that this trip is not my final round.

Blindfolded, gagged and bound
Dazed, confused, and lost
Held captive in this hallow place
No escape route or savior in sight.
Not sure what got me here.
Not moving because of my fear.

On to the next one

The auditions were tonight and they went well. We still have some hurdles to overcome but I am confident that everything will work out. It's funny because whenever you are moving towards accomplishing a goal or moving in the direction that you want, everything in the universe comes against you to stop it. This week has been exactly that for me. Let's recap...shall we.

Monday: Work was nothing but a big stress out. I am trying to solve this issue at my job and just can't seem to find a solution for it.

Wednesday: I had a little tiff in my house within myself. I restrained myself from doing what I really wanted to do...praise God. But I was really about to go IN and on someone. I'll leave it at that.

But the topper of them all came on Thursday. I went to the future location of the play to take care of some business. While there I had a chat with someone. The conversation went something like this:

Reliable Source: So the discussion of your play came up in a meeting yesterday. Mr. Big-Wig asked if Rescuer and Stop-shorts read the play. Rescuer was upfront and honest, said that they read a couple of pages but not the whole thing. However, Stop-shorts said, with real authority, "the issue with this play is that no one gets saved at the end."

Me: Are you freaking kidding me?! That alone tells me that Stop-shorts DID NOT read this play. If Stop-shorts read it, they would have seen that everyone in this play is already saved. This isn't a salvation play. This play is about a family struggling with their faith through adversity. They find resolve at the end of the play.

Reliable Source: Well, that is what was said and Mr. Big-Wig was like, Rescuer and Stop-shorts, you all handle/fix it.

Me: I'm just baffled that someone could not read the play and then sit there and say such a bold-face lie!

Reliable Source: Well, what you need to do is just cover your bases. Give me a copy of the script with a brief synopsis. It'll be fine.

I am so grateful that I was able to find this out and just do what I needed to ensure that all the ducks remain in a row. Whenever you are doing what you are supposed to, people/situations/circumstances, would love to see you not make it there. But I was definitely about to CATCH A CASE. I think I was upset because I took that as a real offense! But, que sera sera.

On to the next one...

The Anxieties!

Things have been moving along well and I couldn't be more excited about it. But the closer and closer I move towards realizing a dream of mine, the more and more I think of failure and falling short.

This play is just a small piece of the larger puzzle. This play begins the journey that I will embark to start something that sparked in me a few short years ago. To see how an idea of mine spawned into this elaborate detail brings delight to my spirit. I remember wondering how I wanted to do this, the different motions that my ideas went through, sitting in Silver Diner with three friends discussing how we would come together to make it happen. Now the time has approached. Everything that I have experienced between now and then has been preparation for this. Doesn't that seem a little nerve-wrecking?



I embrace each challenge, even though I may complain through it. I look forward to the next journey. But as the dream grows and I take one step closer towards it, there are more obstacles that appear. I can't help but to have the questions of "what if I fail?" or "what if this isn't exactly how I'm suppose to do it?" or "what if I'm just wasting my time?"

For that last one, I know I'm not wasting time. I was created to do this. I was born to do this. If I wasn't pursuing this then I would be living a meaningless life, and then there would be no point in existing. So I ask that you continue to keep me in your thoughts, keep encouraging me, keep pushing me along. Whenever you are pursuing your dreams wholeheartedly, the anxieties are mounting!

Auditions!

Too ecstatic! The audition date is set and we are a go! Check out the flier!

And The Winner Is...

Stephanie Brackins!!!!


Thank you to all who participated and sent me their ideas for the One-Liner Contest.

Stephanie gave me a line that I thought really captured the idea I was going for with MaineDrama Productions.

So thank you again everyone and Stephanie...your prize is soon to come! Yes, there is a prize for you.

MaineDrama Productions: Mainstream without Compromise