Blindfolded

Wrote this piece to get something off my chest about an important relationship, or lack thereof, in my life. This is my therapy...

Blindfolded, gagged and bound
Dazed, confused, and lost
Held captive in this hallow place
No escape route or savior in sight.
Not sure what got me here.
Not moving because of my fear.

Sitting here scared and bewildered
I question how I let this happen.
To let my captor come in,
To trust so easily and let down my guard.
I put up no fight,
Assuming that this familiar face would do me right.

Always present,
Feeding me lies masked as promises.
Desperate for this love,
Life continues as if on repeat.
Now my hopelessness is buried deep inside,
Surface level, tough exterior to mask my pride.

On the interior I cry out for your attention.
Puzzled how you cannot hear nor understand.
Someone that deserves your undivided observation,
But one minute from you is hard to obtain.
So further and further this wall I built,
Not one bit of hesitation, not one ounce of guilt.

Content I became with the decisions I made.
Feeling as though I had some control.
Moments passed by when weakness crept in.
Quickly I shook them off and my façade I regained.
Comfort and notions of acceptance,
A lifestyle that I believe I deserved as penance.

So when my captor showed up at my door,
For a moment I forgot what I had built so high.
Thinking that this was the moment of true redemption.
That I would gain what I desired and justly deserved.
But my hopes were dashed as I was taken captive,
Dreams destroyed and a future that looks negative.

In that weak moment, my captor got the best of me.
By the time I tried to fight back, I had no handle.
My grip had slipped and I was overpowered.
Taken down and knocked out from the fall,
I lay there lifeless, ready to give in;
Everything goes dark and the torture begins.

Maybe this is what I am worthy of.
My justice or someone’s warranted revenge.
While my initial reaction is to struggle and react,
Part of me wonders what’s the point?
This is a place that, in a way, seems like common ground,
And I feel that this trip is not my final round.

Blindfolded, gagged and bound
Dazed, confused, and lost
Held captive in this hallow place
No escape route or savior in sight.
Not sure what got me here.
Not moving because of my fear.

On to the next one

The auditions were tonight and they went well. We still have some hurdles to overcome but I am confident that everything will work out. It's funny because whenever you are moving towards accomplishing a goal or moving in the direction that you want, everything in the universe comes against you to stop it. This week has been exactly that for me. Let's recap...shall we.

Monday: Work was nothing but a big stress out. I am trying to solve this issue at my job and just can't seem to find a solution for it.

Wednesday: I had a little tiff in my house within myself. I restrained myself from doing what I really wanted to do...praise God. But I was really about to go IN and on someone. I'll leave it at that.

But the topper of them all came on Thursday. I went to the future location of the play to take care of some business. While there I had a chat with someone. The conversation went something like this:

Reliable Source: So the discussion of your play came up in a meeting yesterday. Mr. Big-Wig asked if Rescuer and Stop-shorts read the play. Rescuer was upfront and honest, said that they read a couple of pages but not the whole thing. However, Stop-shorts said, with real authority, "the issue with this play is that no one gets saved at the end."

Me: Are you freaking kidding me?! That alone tells me that Stop-shorts DID NOT read this play. If Stop-shorts read it, they would have seen that everyone in this play is already saved. This isn't a salvation play. This play is about a family struggling with their faith through adversity. They find resolve at the end of the play.

Reliable Source: Well, that is what was said and Mr. Big-Wig was like, Rescuer and Stop-shorts, you all handle/fix it.

Me: I'm just baffled that someone could not read the play and then sit there and say such a bold-face lie!

Reliable Source: Well, what you need to do is just cover your bases. Give me a copy of the script with a brief synopsis. It'll be fine.

I am so grateful that I was able to find this out and just do what I needed to ensure that all the ducks remain in a row. Whenever you are doing what you are supposed to, people/situations/circumstances, would love to see you not make it there. But I was definitely about to CATCH A CASE. I think I was upset because I took that as a real offense! But, que sera sera.

On to the next one...