Getting Back on Course

Disguised and hidden
If they only knew
The facade, the shamble, the rouse
The pain that screams out

Reflective on journey's passed
Wondering where the detour began
How I stepped foot down this road
Where I turn to get back on course

That has described my life for the past couple of months. Struggling to get back to where I felt like I needed to be. This year has been one of many events and turns in my life. It's funny when God has something so great planned for your life, how the enemy likes to come and knock you off course. So I've been wrestling with Satan trying to stay on course. And I admit, I got a little off course. But when God has designed and fashioned for you to do something, trust, it will get done. And my spirit yearned for Him to help me through my circumstances.

Over the past couple of weeks I kept hearing this one line of a song by Hillsong. It just kept playing over and over in my head. "Break my heart for what breaks yours." God finally brought me to a place where I couldn't take it anymore. My heart was breaking and I needed to change whatever was causing it. I want my heart to always break for what breaks His.

Lyrics | Hillsong United lyrics - Hosanna lyrics

I've had to make some pretty hard decisions lately. Many decisions that really hurt. And while I go through the pain of having made them, I don't regret doing so. I would rather live a life obedient to the King than doing what temporarily makes me happy. I would rather feel the pain now than suffer the consequences later. I would rather live a life pleasing to Him and trust what He has in store for me. Trust that whatever I thought was great now, what He has is far beyond my imagination. That that will pale in comparison. I want Him to shine so bright through me that others can see Him without me having to say a word.

It's kind of like starting all over, but that's okay. That just means that I get to experience falling in love with Him all over again. Experiencing the fire and passion again, and this time clinging on to it. Holding on tight and not letting go because my life literally depends on it.

Psalm 63
1 O God, you are my God;
I earnestly search for you.
My soul thirsts for you;
my whole body longs for you
in this parched and weary land
where there is no water.
2 I have seen you in your sanctuary
and gazed upon your power and glory.
3 Your unfailing love is better than life itself;
how I praise you!
4 I will praise you as long as I live,
lifting up my hands to you in prayer.
5 You satisfy me more than the richest feast.
I will praise you with songs of joy.

6 I lie awake thinking of you,
meditating on you through the night.
7 Because you are my helper,
I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings.
8 I cling to you;
your strong right hand holds me securely.