My warm, salt-stained tears.
My mind running in full commotion.
The heart raging with 1000 fears.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Emotionally Drained
Today was a hard day for emotions.
My warm, salt-stained tears.
My mind running in full commotion.
The heart raging with 1000 fears.
My warm, salt-stained tears.
My mind running in full commotion.
The heart raging with 1000 fears.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Continuing the Ride
Hey people,
It's been a while. I know. But even though I haven't been blogging I definitely have been on my grind. It hasn't been a game. I'm so focused and those that have been around me lately have seen that. There have been so many changes in my life. Those good, those bad, those that brought joy, those that brought pain. But all of it has pushed and catapulted me to work harder and focus on me. I needed to some "me" time to make ME better. I think you all can appreciate that. Right?
Well, let's update you guys. In October, MaineDrama Productions became an official company and received its LLC. OMG! Still working on some more paperwork, but we are here and plan to be here for a long time. I still can't believe that this time in my life has arrived. It's amazing. I remember dreaming about this, talking about this with friends in undergrad in Silver Diner. And now look, the time has come for things to start and move forward.
I've been working pretty hard on the next project. It's going to be a good one. Can't reveal too much about it but keep on the lookout for updates, statuses, and info. Thanks for going on the ride with me so far, hope you stay on for the rest.
It's been a while. I know. But even though I haven't been blogging I definitely have been on my grind. It hasn't been a game. I'm so focused and those that have been around me lately have seen that. There have been so many changes in my life. Those good, those bad, those that brought joy, those that brought pain. But all of it has pushed and catapulted me to work harder and focus on me. I needed to some "me" time to make ME better. I think you all can appreciate that. Right?
Well, let's update you guys. In October, MaineDrama Productions became an official company and received its LLC. OMG! Still working on some more paperwork, but we are here and plan to be here for a long time. I still can't believe that this time in my life has arrived. It's amazing. I remember dreaming about this, talking about this with friends in undergrad in Silver Diner. And now look, the time has come for things to start and move forward.
I've been working pretty hard on the next project. It's going to be a good one. Can't reveal too much about it but keep on the lookout for updates, statuses, and info. Thanks for going on the ride with me so far, hope you stay on for the rest.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
No Apologies, No Regrets
Life takes some crazy turns, but you pick up the pieces and learn along the way. It's months later and I still get comments, kudos, and praises about Count It All Joy. That, to me, is amazing. People ask if I am putting it on again; if I am taking it on tour; when's the next project.
Now I am working on my next project and, although the first project is under my belt, all the nervousness is still there. But I always say that nerves are a good thing. Shows that you are still passionate about what you are doing.
I don't want to give away too many details about the next project but it is one that I am so passionate about seeing on stage. I have been for years now. For those who I have discussed this project with, I could have spoken to them for hours about what I envision. All the ideas and results that I want to see come out of this. I could go on. I just want to see people's lives changed by what I do. I want to see people be better and do better because of what I do. This is what drives me to keep pressing on when all odds are against me.
Life has been hitting me pretty hard lately and my playwriting is my release. I couldn't think of a better way to have some mental therapy. So on to the next project. On to the next set of people that will be touched and affected by my vision. On to whatever God has next. No apologies, no regrets.
Now I am working on my next project and, although the first project is under my belt, all the nervousness is still there. But I always say that nerves are a good thing. Shows that you are still passionate about what you are doing.
I don't want to give away too many details about the next project but it is one that I am so passionate about seeing on stage. I have been for years now. For those who I have discussed this project with, I could have spoken to them for hours about what I envision. All the ideas and results that I want to see come out of this. I could go on. I just want to see people's lives changed by what I do. I want to see people be better and do better because of what I do. This is what drives me to keep pressing on when all odds are against me.
Life has been hitting me pretty hard lately and my playwriting is my release. I couldn't think of a better way to have some mental therapy. So on to the next project. On to the next set of people that will be touched and affected by my vision. On to whatever God has next. No apologies, no regrets.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Oldie but Goodie
I read this the other day. Hadn't done so in a long time. As I remembered, it was one of my favorite pieces written. Hope you enjoy.
Let me preface by saying that this isn't directed to one person...this is just a "response" to a mix of things. A response on behalf of a lot of friends who have been sharing their stories with me.
Let me chat with you for a second
As I share the thoughts within my mind.
Just answer the call and beckon
Of my heart's verbal twine.
I sit and ponder the limited answers
To my life's many questions.
Questions that plague my body like a cancer
And I'm supposed to take it as a life lesson?
How can I find joy in the midst of all this pain?
How can I move on with the weight I must bare?
How can I keep moving when my heart's been torn and slain?
How can I love when there's no emotion to spare?
From the hurt of it to you.
To the deception and the lies.
From the mask you bore as true.
To the (false) hopes I saw in your eyes.
So I try to keep it moving.
In tow...my dignity and pride.
No more of my time am I losing
Because you can't lose your male ego stride.
You talk a lot of game.
Wanting to be friends, and that's so swell.
When all that talk is really lame
And your cheap relationship can go to hell.
Come on, let's be serious here.
Time you did not lack.
And all the time you heard my tears,
Your ignorance was a slap!
A slap to my face as you ignored my call,
And I stand looking dismayed.
As you stand mighty and tall,
And my pain doesn't seem to have you phased?
I can't keep crying out
Hoping that you take simple notice.
I need a different route
Cuz obviously I'm not the center of your focus.
And what a shame that thing is
Since I should be your prize and jewel.
But my love, it is not his
Since he obviously had me fooled.
My Advice:
So if they walk by you with a confident swag
And got you feeling confident and cool.
Be careful, they may be a douche bag
And leave you looking like an utter tool.
...Guess you had me fooled...
Let me preface by saying that this isn't directed to one person...this is just a "response" to a mix of things. A response on behalf of a lot of friends who have been sharing their stories with me.
Let me chat with you for a second
As I share the thoughts within my mind.
Just answer the call and beckon
Of my heart's verbal twine.
I sit and ponder the limited answers
To my life's many questions.
Questions that plague my body like a cancer
And I'm supposed to take it as a life lesson?
How can I find joy in the midst of all this pain?
How can I move on with the weight I must bare?
How can I keep moving when my heart's been torn and slain?
How can I love when there's no emotion to spare?
From the hurt of it to you.
To the deception and the lies.
From the mask you bore as true.
To the (false) hopes I saw in your eyes.
So I try to keep it moving.
In tow...my dignity and pride.
No more of my time am I losing
Because you can't lose your male ego stride.
You talk a lot of game.
Wanting to be friends, and that's so swell.
When all that talk is really lame
And your cheap relationship can go to hell.
Come on, let's be serious here.
Time you did not lack.
And all the time you heard my tears,
Your ignorance was a slap!
A slap to my face as you ignored my call,
And I stand looking dismayed.
As you stand mighty and tall,
And my pain doesn't seem to have you phased?
I can't keep crying out
Hoping that you take simple notice.
I need a different route
Cuz obviously I'm not the center of your focus.
And what a shame that thing is
Since I should be your prize and jewel.
But my love, it is not his
Since he obviously had me fooled.
My Advice:
So if they walk by you with a confident swag
And got you feeling confident and cool.
Be careful, they may be a douche bag
And leave you looking like an utter tool.
...Guess you had me fooled...
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Still in the making
I just got back from a missions trip to the Dominican Republic. I spent 8 days on this island. Most people go there to vacation, but I spent my time ministering to people and witnessing this island in a manner that most people don't even consider. This trip was coordinated through McLean Bible Church. I went down there with the purpose of stepping. Everyone kept saying that it would change my life but I didn't expect how much.
I went with a group of people two days ahead to work at a camp. Literally, we got off the plane and headed straight to the camp. After stepping, the camp held workshops and we taught the kids how to step. They were too excited to learn the steps! Every spare moment that they got, they would come up to us to show what they picked up or learned!
On Sunday the rest of the group got in and on Monday, the hard work began. When I say, it was long days, it was long days! But all worth it. On our first day, we went to Hondorous and stepped. It was a bit frustrating at first because as soon as the Word came forth, the people began to scatter. But you had to keep going. After the program was done, we played and interacted with the people there. It was hard because there were a limited number of translators. So you wanted to say so much more but were limited by the language barrier. Communication had to become inventive to say the least!
On Wednesday, we went to a Dayschool and stepped for the children. As soon as we walked through the gates, they just ran up to you and hugged you. That action alone made me smile from ear to ear. After stepping, Dale Sutherland, the youth pastor at McLean, asked us to go with him into one of the villages. We were going to see one of the homes of the children at the Dayschool and possibly step for the people in the village. However, walking through the village, stepping was the furthest thing from my mind. One of the little boys that we met at the school was ten years old, but because of malnutrition looked like he was 6 or 7. He had a men's clothing, so was swimming in them. And his home...a small shack.
My heart just ached. They just "replaced" their roof and even the replacement had holes in it. So when it rained, the inside of their home got wet. Their floor was the dirt ground, so water and the dirt...not a good mix. We went into a couple other homes in that same village. It would be a large room, separated by sheets. You would have two beds for 8 people living in that home. This was how they survived and yet we complain because our mattress is a bit lumpy. That was an emotionally heavy day for me.
On Thursday we went to Jackie's House, an orphanage. Unfortunately, I wasn't feeling too well that day so I couldn't interact with the kids as much as I wanted. But all of them were so excited and active. There was this one little girl there, Pearla. She had gotten to the house around 3am that morning after getting surgery on her trachea. You would not have known it! She was bouncing all around that place. And then I met Rosemary. Her mother gave birth to her in the Dump. Literally, the place where the trashmen dump all of the garbage. Her mother and twin sister died.
At the end of the visit we all gathered around the kids to pray. And Israel prayed. Israel was one of the first kids I met when I got there. Mike Kelsey had told me about him and sent some things for him. So I went to give it to him and was just radically encouraged by his testimony. They asked Israel to pray for us and when he began to pray, with the kids repeating his prayer, the entire place was moved. It brought me to tears. Israel wants to spread the gospel and go wherever he leads him to go. How can you not be inspired by that?
After leaving Jackie's House, we went to the Dump. All these kids and adults from the village piled into this church to see the program. It was hot, flies everywhere, and this was how they lived.
Friday was our last day there. That afternoon there was a bit of a mixup and we ended up at one of the construction sites. We had heard about this house all week. It sat on a hill and had dirt floors. When it rained, the floors in the home turned into mud and water ran through their house. The little boy that lived in the home had to have a worm irrigated from his ear because he would sleep on the dirt floor.
For about an hour and a half we sat with some of the people in this village and just talked about God, about their living conditions, how they survive. Despite all of that, they said that Jesus is what sustains them. They can take solace in God despite their situations and yet we complain to God and feel that He owes us more. They say, "God has kept me." We face issues and say, "God how could you?" How selfish are we? After our conversations with them we headed for the bus. I turned around and saw this...their backyard.
The night ended with us throwing a party for some of the kids from one of the orphanages. They came to the hotel for the party. As we lined up waiting for them, someone came in and said, "They are taking a while because they have never seen an elevator and they all want to ride up in one." They came in and we cheered. We stepped for them and then we presented the workers of the orphanages with some rewards and gifts.
Then we presented all of the kids with backpacks full of stuff and a new outfit.
I was completely humbled by this trip. It really made me take a hard look at myself. It made me want to do more. While I don't feel the call to be in the field, I need to find out what I can do from here. Whether that is supporting a local organization or just talking to others about what they can do. I left asking, "God, what next?" I don't want to be on this high and then forget my whole experience. I don't want it to be a waste.
You can check out the rest of the pictures of my trip on Facebook.
I went with a group of people two days ahead to work at a camp. Literally, we got off the plane and headed straight to the camp. After stepping, the camp held workshops and we taught the kids how to step. They were too excited to learn the steps! Every spare moment that they got, they would come up to us to show what they picked up or learned!
On Sunday the rest of the group got in and on Monday, the hard work began. When I say, it was long days, it was long days! But all worth it. On our first day, we went to Hondorous and stepped. It was a bit frustrating at first because as soon as the Word came forth, the people began to scatter. But you had to keep going. After the program was done, we played and interacted with the people there. It was hard because there were a limited number of translators. So you wanted to say so much more but were limited by the language barrier. Communication had to become inventive to say the least!
On Wednesday, we went to a Dayschool and stepped for the children. As soon as we walked through the gates, they just ran up to you and hugged you. That action alone made me smile from ear to ear. After stepping, Dale Sutherland, the youth pastor at McLean, asked us to go with him into one of the villages. We were going to see one of the homes of the children at the Dayschool and possibly step for the people in the village. However, walking through the village, stepping was the furthest thing from my mind. One of the little boys that we met at the school was ten years old, but because of malnutrition looked like he was 6 or 7. He had a men's clothing, so was swimming in them. And his home...a small shack.
My heart just ached. They just "replaced" their roof and even the replacement had holes in it. So when it rained, the inside of their home got wet. Their floor was the dirt ground, so water and the dirt...not a good mix. We went into a couple other homes in that same village. It would be a large room, separated by sheets. You would have two beds for 8 people living in that home. This was how they survived and yet we complain because our mattress is a bit lumpy. That was an emotionally heavy day for me.
On Thursday we went to Jackie's House, an orphanage. Unfortunately, I wasn't feeling too well that day so I couldn't interact with the kids as much as I wanted. But all of them were so excited and active. There was this one little girl there, Pearla. She had gotten to the house around 3am that morning after getting surgery on her trachea. You would not have known it! She was bouncing all around that place. And then I met Rosemary. Her mother gave birth to her in the Dump. Literally, the place where the trashmen dump all of the garbage. Her mother and twin sister died.
At the end of the visit we all gathered around the kids to pray. And Israel prayed. Israel was one of the first kids I met when I got there. Mike Kelsey had told me about him and sent some things for him. So I went to give it to him and was just radically encouraged by his testimony. They asked Israel to pray for us and when he began to pray, with the kids repeating his prayer, the entire place was moved. It brought me to tears. Israel wants to spread the gospel and go wherever he leads him to go. How can you not be inspired by that?
After leaving Jackie's House, we went to the Dump. All these kids and adults from the village piled into this church to see the program. It was hot, flies everywhere, and this was how they lived.
Friday was our last day there. That afternoon there was a bit of a mixup and we ended up at one of the construction sites. We had heard about this house all week. It sat on a hill and had dirt floors. When it rained, the floors in the home turned into mud and water ran through their house. The little boy that lived in the home had to have a worm irrigated from his ear because he would sleep on the dirt floor.
For about an hour and a half we sat with some of the people in this village and just talked about God, about their living conditions, how they survive. Despite all of that, they said that Jesus is what sustains them. They can take solace in God despite their situations and yet we complain to God and feel that He owes us more. They say, "God has kept me." We face issues and say, "God how could you?" How selfish are we? After our conversations with them we headed for the bus. I turned around and saw this...their backyard.
The night ended with us throwing a party for some of the kids from one of the orphanages. They came to the hotel for the party. As we lined up waiting for them, someone came in and said, "They are taking a while because they have never seen an elevator and they all want to ride up in one." They came in and we cheered. We stepped for them and then we presented the workers of the orphanages with some rewards and gifts.
Then we presented all of the kids with backpacks full of stuff and a new outfit.
I was completely humbled by this trip. It really made me take a hard look at myself. It made me want to do more. While I don't feel the call to be in the field, I need to find out what I can do from here. Whether that is supporting a local organization or just talking to others about what they can do. I left asking, "God, what next?" I don't want to be on this high and then forget my whole experience. I don't want it to be a waste.
You can check out the rest of the pictures of my trip on Facebook.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Getting Back on Course
Disguised and hidden
If they only knew
The facade, the shamble, the rouse
The pain that screams out
Reflective on journey's passed
Wondering where the detour began
How I stepped foot down this road
Where I turn to get back on course
That has described my life for the past couple of months. Struggling to get back to where I felt like I needed to be. This year has been one of many events and turns in my life. It's funny when God has something so great planned for your life, how the enemy likes to come and knock you off course. So I've been wrestling with Satan trying to stay on course. And I admit, I got a little off course. But when God has designed and fashioned for you to do something, trust, it will get done. And my spirit yearned for Him to help me through my circumstances.
Over the past couple of weeks I kept hearing this one line of a song by Hillsong. It just kept playing over and over in my head. "Break my heart for what breaks yours." God finally brought me to a place where I couldn't take it anymore. My heart was breaking and I needed to change whatever was causing it. I want my heart to always break for what breaks His.
Lyrics | Hillsong United lyrics - Hosanna lyrics
I've had to make some pretty hard decisions lately. Many decisions that really hurt. And while I go through the pain of having made them, I don't regret doing so. I would rather live a life obedient to the King than doing what temporarily makes me happy. I would rather feel the pain now than suffer the consequences later. I would rather live a life pleasing to Him and trust what He has in store for me. Trust that whatever I thought was great now, what He has is far beyond my imagination. That that will pale in comparison. I want Him to shine so bright through me that others can see Him without me having to say a word.
It's kind of like starting all over, but that's okay. That just means that I get to experience falling in love with Him all over again. Experiencing the fire and passion again, and this time clinging on to it. Holding on tight and not letting go because my life literally depends on it.
Psalm 63
1 O God, you are my God;
I earnestly search for you.
My soul thirsts for you;
my whole body longs for you
in this parched and weary land
where there is no water.
2 I have seen you in your sanctuary
and gazed upon your power and glory.
3 Your unfailing love is better than life itself;
how I praise you!
4 I will praise you as long as I live,
lifting up my hands to you in prayer.
5 You satisfy me more than the richest feast.
I will praise you with songs of joy.
6 I lie awake thinking of you,
meditating on you through the night.
7 Because you are my helper,
I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings.
8 I cling to you;
your strong right hand holds me securely.
If they only knew
The facade, the shamble, the rouse
The pain that screams out
Reflective on journey's passed
Wondering where the detour began
How I stepped foot down this road
Where I turn to get back on course
That has described my life for the past couple of months. Struggling to get back to where I felt like I needed to be. This year has been one of many events and turns in my life. It's funny when God has something so great planned for your life, how the enemy likes to come and knock you off course. So I've been wrestling with Satan trying to stay on course. And I admit, I got a little off course. But when God has designed and fashioned for you to do something, trust, it will get done. And my spirit yearned for Him to help me through my circumstances.
Over the past couple of weeks I kept hearing this one line of a song by Hillsong. It just kept playing over and over in my head. "Break my heart for what breaks yours." God finally brought me to a place where I couldn't take it anymore. My heart was breaking and I needed to change whatever was causing it. I want my heart to always break for what breaks His.
Lyrics | Hillsong United lyrics - Hosanna lyrics
I've had to make some pretty hard decisions lately. Many decisions that really hurt. And while I go through the pain of having made them, I don't regret doing so. I would rather live a life obedient to the King than doing what temporarily makes me happy. I would rather feel the pain now than suffer the consequences later. I would rather live a life pleasing to Him and trust what He has in store for me. Trust that whatever I thought was great now, what He has is far beyond my imagination. That that will pale in comparison. I want Him to shine so bright through me that others can see Him without me having to say a word.
It's kind of like starting all over, but that's okay. That just means that I get to experience falling in love with Him all over again. Experiencing the fire and passion again, and this time clinging on to it. Holding on tight and not letting go because my life literally depends on it.
Psalm 63
1 O God, you are my God;
I earnestly search for you.
My soul thirsts for you;
my whole body longs for you
in this parched and weary land
where there is no water.
2 I have seen you in your sanctuary
and gazed upon your power and glory.
3 Your unfailing love is better than life itself;
how I praise you!
4 I will praise you as long as I live,
lifting up my hands to you in prayer.
5 You satisfy me more than the richest feast.
I will praise you with songs of joy.
6 I lie awake thinking of you,
meditating on you through the night.
7 Because you are my helper,
I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings.
8 I cling to you;
your strong right hand holds me securely.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Dream Realized
Amazing! That is all that I can say about this past weekend. It was truly amazing. As I sat in my seat on Friday and watched something that I wrote being portrayed on stage, words could not explain the joy and exhilaration that I felt. Everyone afterward kept asking, "How do you feel?" All I could say was relief and this surreal air. It actually happened.
There were so many issues leading up to the opening of the show. Like soooo many. Tech rehearsals didn't go exactly as planned. My walls for the set didn't arrive until Thursday and weren't put together until Friday. I was painting my set 4 hours before doors were to open. But if all came together. The set, the sound, the lights, the props, the cast, everything. God worked it out. I told anyone that would listen that I couldn't take credit for any of it. It was truly a "But God" moment.
Both nights had a pretty decent crowd. And at the end of each night everyone that I spoke to said that the message was real. That they got what I was trying to say. That it truly touched them, religious or not. For that, it was all worth it. The long nights, the tears, the arguments, the delays. Even if only one person got it, I did my job. I thank God for using me as the vehicle to deliver that message and I don't take it lightly. I pray that He continues to use me.
This journey was a long one, and difficult, but I wouldn't trade any of it. I was doing what I loved and there's no feeling like it. Even in the moments when I wanted to throw up my hands and quit, my passion and desire for this wouldn't let me completely throw the towel in. Also, there were numerous people that pushed me along the way.
Adriene: I couldn't ask God or thank Him for a greater sister. You are amazing! Your talents and gifts are bigger than I think you know. I am so grateful for the sacrifices that you made for me during this process. I know that you will be rewarded so heavily for making them. You will go so far with all that you have inside of you.
Mommy: Not many people can say that they have parents that fully support them in everything that they do. I can and I am so appreciative. You took your own money to help make many things during this process happen. You were there to listen to us complain and to share the joyous moments. You were always ready and willing to step in when we needed. More than anything, you kept praying the entire time. And the prayers paid off. Thank you!
Courtney: Thank you for being such a motivating force through this all, for being a friend. For talking me off the ledge when those moments crept up. For being on top of your game when I needed you to be. For being so organized. For seeing the vision that I had and running with me to make it happen.
Latasha: You are a great woman and one that I truly look up to and admire. Thank you for stepping in and giving me such great advice. When the chips were down, thank you for being there to help me push through the hard times. To look pass the issue and see the prize.
MDP Crew: You all were sooo great! I didn't need to run behind any of you to do what needed to be done. Many times, you had things completed before I even needed to ask. I couldn't have asked for a better group of people to work with and trust with my baby.
CIAJ Cast: Lovely and wonderful group of people. You all are a beautiful cast and you brought my play to life. It was such a pleasure working with you all, watching you all on stage. You all will forever hold a special place in my heart. You all were the first players in this MDP journey. I don't think that the words Thank You are enough.
This is only for MaineDrama Productions. Like I said, this is me, MaineDrama in the making...
There were so many issues leading up to the opening of the show. Like soooo many. Tech rehearsals didn't go exactly as planned. My walls for the set didn't arrive until Thursday and weren't put together until Friday. I was painting my set 4 hours before doors were to open. But if all came together. The set, the sound, the lights, the props, the cast, everything. God worked it out. I told anyone that would listen that I couldn't take credit for any of it. It was truly a "But God" moment.
Both nights had a pretty decent crowd. And at the end of each night everyone that I spoke to said that the message was real. That they got what I was trying to say. That it truly touched them, religious or not. For that, it was all worth it. The long nights, the tears, the arguments, the delays. Even if only one person got it, I did my job. I thank God for using me as the vehicle to deliver that message and I don't take it lightly. I pray that He continues to use me.
This journey was a long one, and difficult, but I wouldn't trade any of it. I was doing what I loved and there's no feeling like it. Even in the moments when I wanted to throw up my hands and quit, my passion and desire for this wouldn't let me completely throw the towel in. Also, there were numerous people that pushed me along the way.
Adriene: I couldn't ask God or thank Him for a greater sister. You are amazing! Your talents and gifts are bigger than I think you know. I am so grateful for the sacrifices that you made for me during this process. I know that you will be rewarded so heavily for making them. You will go so far with all that you have inside of you.
Mommy: Not many people can say that they have parents that fully support them in everything that they do. I can and I am so appreciative. You took your own money to help make many things during this process happen. You were there to listen to us complain and to share the joyous moments. You were always ready and willing to step in when we needed. More than anything, you kept praying the entire time. And the prayers paid off. Thank you!
Courtney: Thank you for being such a motivating force through this all, for being a friend. For talking me off the ledge when those moments crept up. For being on top of your game when I needed you to be. For being so organized. For seeing the vision that I had and running with me to make it happen.
Latasha: You are a great woman and one that I truly look up to and admire. Thank you for stepping in and giving me such great advice. When the chips were down, thank you for being there to help me push through the hard times. To look pass the issue and see the prize.
MDP Crew: You all were sooo great! I didn't need to run behind any of you to do what needed to be done. Many times, you had things completed before I even needed to ask. I couldn't have asked for a better group of people to work with and trust with my baby.
CIAJ Cast: Lovely and wonderful group of people. You all are a beautiful cast and you brought my play to life. It was such a pleasure working with you all, watching you all on stage. You all will forever hold a special place in my heart. You all were the first players in this MDP journey. I don't think that the words Thank You are enough.
This is only for MaineDrama Productions. Like I said, this is me, MaineDrama in the making...
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Breathe
It's the calm before the storm...or maybe it's the storm before the calm. Either way, showtime is tomorrow and I am freaking out. Things aren't perfect and we all know that my Type A self does not handle that well. I just need to breathe. Breathe...breathe...
Come see the show!
Come see the show!
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Two Weeks and Counting...
I cannot believe that we are two weeks out from showtime! I remember my reading party back in August and just trying to arrange all of the details for that. And now, a show. Full cast, props, set, lights, advertising, marketing, ticket sales, costumes, drama...
I am absolutely grateful for everyone that has kept me going through all of this. As I have been writing in my posts, there have definitely been a number of times when I just wanted to throw in the towel. I thought that I couldn't do this, handle this. I thought that all of this was bigger than me. And you know what, I was right. It was too much for me and bigger than me. It was only with God's help that I could do any of this. So I want to give credit where credit is due. This isn't my doing, it's His.
While the small fires continue (as I just had to put one out a few days ago), there are the tiny blessings in between. And for that I am eternally grateful. By this time in two weeks, we will have done one show, preparing to do another. A dream that I have had for years, finally being realized.
So keep my cast and crew in your prayers, minds, and hearts as we round out to the end. This is when it really gets tough. Long nights, final meetings, last minute calls, sudden deliveries; it all comes down to this.
Don't forget, July 9th at 8pm and July 10th at 7pm. Tickets are on sale now!
$10 in advance
$5 for children 12 and under
$15 at the door
You can purchase your tickets online as well at:
http://www.smarttix.com/show.aspx?EID=&showCode=COU10&GUID=
The performance will be held at:
The National Church of God
6700 Bock Road
Fort Washington, MD 20744
Email: mainedramapro@gmail.com or call 301.567.9500 for more information
This is it!
I am absolutely grateful for everyone that has kept me going through all of this. As I have been writing in my posts, there have definitely been a number of times when I just wanted to throw in the towel. I thought that I couldn't do this, handle this. I thought that all of this was bigger than me. And you know what, I was right. It was too much for me and bigger than me. It was only with God's help that I could do any of this. So I want to give credit where credit is due. This isn't my doing, it's His.
While the small fires continue (as I just had to put one out a few days ago), there are the tiny blessings in between. And for that I am eternally grateful. By this time in two weeks, we will have done one show, preparing to do another. A dream that I have had for years, finally being realized.
So keep my cast and crew in your prayers, minds, and hearts as we round out to the end. This is when it really gets tough. Long nights, final meetings, last minute calls, sudden deliveries; it all comes down to this.
Don't forget, July 9th at 8pm and July 10th at 7pm. Tickets are on sale now!
$10 in advance
$5 for children 12 and under
$15 at the door
You can purchase your tickets online as well at:
http://www.smarttix.com/show.aspx?EID=&showCode=COU10&GUID=
The performance will be held at:
The National Church of God
6700 Bock Road
Fort Washington, MD 20744
Email: mainedramapro@gmail.com or call 301.567.9500 for more information
This is it!
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Winding Down...
So we are getting closer and closer to the opening of the show and I have been a nervous wreck. Seriously! It's been crazy, and as we get closer there are new problems popping up at every corner. It's a bit frustrating and I"m trying not to freak out. I'm trying to put a positive spin on it all. I keep telling myself that I have all of this opposition because this thing is suppose to happen. But I really just want to have a freak out moment. Deadlines weren't met on time, people were being unresponsive, and a whole bunch of other drama that I won't list. But they were all worthy of a freak out moment.
Now we are down to three weeks! THREE WEEKS!!!!!!!! Where did the time go? I remember having my reading party in August and now...The ride has been amazing and I have learned a lot about myself. I just pray that He continues to use me, despite my faults.
Tickets are now on sale! $10 for adults, $5 for children 12 and under, $15 at the door. Hit me up or email mainedramapro@gmail.com to find out how to purchase your tickets. Show times are July 9th at 8pm and July 10th at 7pm. Come on out and support.
Now we are down to three weeks! THREE WEEKS!!!!!!!! Where did the time go? I remember having my reading party in August and now...The ride has been amazing and I have learned a lot about myself. I just pray that He continues to use me, despite my faults.
Tickets are now on sale! $10 for adults, $5 for children 12 and under, $15 at the door. Hit me up or email mainedramapro@gmail.com to find out how to purchase your tickets. Show times are July 9th at 8pm and July 10th at 7pm. Come on out and support.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
FAIL?!?!?!
Rehearsals started this week and this week alone I have confronted soooo many issues. I feel like everytime I turn a corner, BAM, there's something else. It's so difficult and makes me question everything.
Is this the right time?
Will there ever be a right time?
Am I being punished for something I've done?
Was I hasty in my decisions?
Why is something always going wrong?
Should I call this whole thing off?
Should I give up?
Is this too hard?
I'm sure anyone that has started something that is close to their heart has been faced with these questions. And to be honest, I'm still asking them. But as much as all of the outside circumstances would tell me to throw in the towel, there is that nagging feeling in my gut that just won't let me let it go. How much greater and sweeter the end result when I pull this off.
When no one else will, I just need to keep encouraging myself that this CAN be done.
Is this the right time?
Will there ever be a right time?
Am I being punished for something I've done?
Was I hasty in my decisions?
Why is something always going wrong?
Should I call this whole thing off?
Should I give up?
Is this too hard?
I'm sure anyone that has started something that is close to their heart has been faced with these questions. And to be honest, I'm still asking them. But as much as all of the outside circumstances would tell me to throw in the towel, there is that nagging feeling in my gut that just won't let me let it go. How much greater and sweeter the end result when I pull this off.
When no one else will, I just need to keep encouraging myself that this CAN be done.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
A Dream Realized...Almost
Yeah, it's been a while. I know. Life has been amazingly busy! And now we are into April with rehearsals starting in less than a month. As we get closer and closer to the rehearsal dates, we move closer and closer to showtime. That scares the crap out of me. There is still so much to do. And with a job, extracurricular, and trying to lead some kind of social life here and there, the hours in the day run out quickly. I won't spout off my laundry list, but trust, there is still much to do.
I'm grateful for the people that God has placed around me to help put this production on. I am truly blessed to be given what I have when, in all other circumstances, this would be an impossibility. This is just the beginning. And I think that's what makes this production so nerve-wrecking for me. It's the realization of a dream. How many people can actually say that they are seeing what they desire and dream come into fruition? What started off as an idea in my head to discussing it with three friends at Silver Diner is materializing. I just don't want to screw any of it up. My work, my dreams, my hopes, on display for everyone to see and criticize. At the end of the day I know that my only goal is to please Him, but you still want people to like it, right?
What is the biggest motivation for me is seeing my friends around me who are pushing towards their dreams as well. It says to me, if they can do it Tramaine, so can you. And I know I can. If I fall and mess up, get up, learn from it, and keep moving. At the end of the day, I can't imagine doing anything else with me life. I love it!
I'm grateful for the people that God has placed around me to help put this production on. I am truly blessed to be given what I have when, in all other circumstances, this would be an impossibility. This is just the beginning. And I think that's what makes this production so nerve-wrecking for me. It's the realization of a dream. How many people can actually say that they are seeing what they desire and dream come into fruition? What started off as an idea in my head to discussing it with three friends at Silver Diner is materializing. I just don't want to screw any of it up. My work, my dreams, my hopes, on display for everyone to see and criticize. At the end of the day I know that my only goal is to please Him, but you still want people to like it, right?
What is the biggest motivation for me is seeing my friends around me who are pushing towards their dreams as well. It says to me, if they can do it Tramaine, so can you. And I know I can. If I fall and mess up, get up, learn from it, and keep moving. At the end of the day, I can't imagine doing anything else with me life. I love it!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Next Chapter
Things have been kind of tough lately. Tough in the sense of employment. I am working and am grateful for the chance to take care of my responsibilities, but I am soooo unhappy and really want a change. I have been on my grind trying to find something new, but nothing. And to be honest, I've been applying to a lot of things that would keep me comfortable. They have my interest, but not all of them are directly related to the arts. It's becoming so frustrating that I just am really questioning, "God, what else do you want me to do? Where else am I suppose to look?"
I was talking to someone today and we were talking about passions and I think that's just it right there. I really need to just jump after my passion. I don't know where to begin, but I have to start the search. That may mean more rejections, that may mean being pulled out of my comfort zone, that may mean moving to another state. I have no clue. And I know because of all the MaineDrama stuff I've been doing I have been so tied to this area, thinking that if I moved that would be the end of this production company. There goes my connections, my know, the ease of it all. But if this is what I am passionate about then wherever I go, this company will follow. May be a little bit harder, but wouldn't it be worth it?
So to the next chapter, where that leads me...I honestly don't know.
I was talking to someone today and we were talking about passions and I think that's just it right there. I really need to just jump after my passion. I don't know where to begin, but I have to start the search. That may mean more rejections, that may mean being pulled out of my comfort zone, that may mean moving to another state. I have no clue. And I know because of all the MaineDrama stuff I've been doing I have been so tied to this area, thinking that if I moved that would be the end of this production company. There goes my connections, my know, the ease of it all. But if this is what I am passionate about then wherever I go, this company will follow. May be a little bit harder, but wouldn't it be worth it?
So to the next chapter, where that leads me...I honestly don't know.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Cabin Fever
As most of the country is aware, the DMV has been dumped upon with the white stuff. And when we get a sign of relief another wave sets in. It was cute at first, but then it began to cancel plans and eat away at one's sanity. I spent the first batch of the snow with some friends and that definitely helped to pass the time and make for great conversation. However, as for MaineDrama Production business, all of that had to be placed on hold. Scripts were to go out and the next phase rolling, but what kind of person would I be to try and make people (let alone myself) to come out in that horrendous blizzard for a few sheets of paper? A crazy one! (It's okay, I answered for you.)
Now the second wave has hit and once again we are on lock down in our homes. The cabin fever, varying levels of creativity, claustrophobia, countless hours of TV/movie watching, and the like set in. This would be a supreme time to really catch up on things that I should be doing. MD work that needs to be done. But there lies the problem, a lot of what I need to do, I need to be out of the house to do it, lol. So, okay, this is a time when maybe I need to take a breather from it all before it really begins to pick up. And for that, I can be patient and relax. So, I'm trying to take this time of confinement as a time to reflect, spend more time with my Maker so that I make the right decisions concerning everything else, and just write. Develop the serenity that I definitely need in my life.
Now the second wave has hit and once again we are on lock down in our homes. The cabin fever, varying levels of creativity, claustrophobia, countless hours of TV/movie watching, and the like set in. This would be a supreme time to really catch up on things that I should be doing. MD work that needs to be done. But there lies the problem, a lot of what I need to do, I need to be out of the house to do it, lol. So, okay, this is a time when maybe I need to take a breather from it all before it really begins to pick up. And for that, I can be patient and relax. So, I'm trying to take this time of confinement as a time to reflect, spend more time with my Maker so that I make the right decisions concerning everything else, and just write. Develop the serenity that I definitely need in my life.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Round 2...Down...But Not Out
So last Friday I held the second round of auditions for the play. It was a necessity. While we had a good turnout for the first round, we didn't get all of the people that we needed to complete the cast. But no fear, I pressed on and decided to hold a second round. We advertised, posted, word of mouth, etc. And the response was awesome! I had a long list of people that were coming to audition. Things were looking positive. I was going to fill all of my remaining slots and have extras! Woo Hoo! WRONG!
Do you know only two people showed up! TWO! But the surprising thing is, even though I was disappointed, I wasn't worried. At all! I had such peace about it all. And the two people that came in did their thing and filled two very needed spots. As I began to discuss the situation with my director, we brainstormed and thought, "How can we remedy this?" But when you are doing something for someone who is bigger than you, when you are doing something that you were destined and created to do, you don't have to do much to make it happen. Within one day we were able to fill 5 slots out of 7. 5 of which were main characters. I'm so at peace right now. And it is all falling into place.
It's like I said before...when you are doing what you were intended to do, there will always be monkey-wrenches thrown in there somewhere. The true test is how you respond to it all. I could have freaked out, shut things down, thought that this wasn't going to happen. But then what would that say about me? How would I grow and learn how to deal with adversity if I quickly threw in the towel?
So I guess I should take a lesson from my own play...Count It All Joy.
James 1:2-4 MSG
2-4Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.
Do you know only two people showed up! TWO! But the surprising thing is, even though I was disappointed, I wasn't worried. At all! I had such peace about it all. And the two people that came in did their thing and filled two very needed spots. As I began to discuss the situation with my director, we brainstormed and thought, "How can we remedy this?" But when you are doing something for someone who is bigger than you, when you are doing something that you were destined and created to do, you don't have to do much to make it happen. Within one day we were able to fill 5 slots out of 7. 5 of which were main characters. I'm so at peace right now. And it is all falling into place.
It's like I said before...when you are doing what you were intended to do, there will always be monkey-wrenches thrown in there somewhere. The true test is how you respond to it all. I could have freaked out, shut things down, thought that this wasn't going to happen. But then what would that say about me? How would I grow and learn how to deal with adversity if I quickly threw in the towel?
So I guess I should take a lesson from my own play...Count It All Joy.
James 1:2-4 MSG
2-4Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Like A Champion
This past weekend my sorority had a retreat called Dove S.P.A. This year's theme was More Than Skin Deep. During the sessions of the weekend, the speakers and committee challenged us to look within ourselves. Forcing us to be better women in every aspect of the word. That is a condensed version and doesn't really do it justice, but you get the point. By the end of the weekend, I took away so much, more than I expected...what I didn't expect.
It's crazy how God orchestrates certain things in your life. I met sisters that I didn't know that shared some of the same common interests, creating bonds that I see as long-lasting. And for those sisters that are already close to me, I feel as though our relationship strengthened even further. All ties that, for me, I know I will need.
I have been pretty transparent as to the struggles thus far with this whole process of producing my first production. However, many of the struggles that I have mentioned have been anxiety, stress, or people interactions. I haven't really talked about the emotional and spiritual journey that this entire thing has been taking me on (in addition to other areas within my life). Many of those burdens I took with me this weekend. I felt removed and as if I would just fail at life. That I was not as strong and confident as I should be to do this. But by the end of it, I was able to let go and release a lot of troubles out of my hand and put it (and leave it!) in God's.
Have you ever felt like that? That you were carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders? And right before you felt like you were about to hit the ground, something or someone comes along to help lift that burden. And it's like you can breathe again. Like your chest just opened up and all of this fresh air just rushed in. Well, I was able to make some room in this head of mine and just let my thoughts be.
This journey will be rough, there will be obstacles along the way. As I conquer one mole hill, I'll come across a mountain. But what I'm learning is that I not only have to recognize the battles, fight them and leave them there, in that moment. To trust that God will provide every direction, every step and open every door. He wouldn't be taking me on this journey if He did not already have the resources for me. I just have to be confident in that and not stress my life out! And by doing that, the rest will fall in place. I emotionally and spiritually won't be stressed out. Those things won't fall last on my list and get the least of my attention because I have entrusted everything else to the One that can and will work it all out.
As my weekend was winding down and I was checking out of my hotel, a friend of mine sent me a text message. Again, speaking to God's timing, it was so appropriate and sent to me at the right time. And as simple as the words were, it was exactly what I needed. I leave them with you:
"I hated every minute of training, but I said, 'Don't quit!' Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion."- Ali
It's crazy how God orchestrates certain things in your life. I met sisters that I didn't know that shared some of the same common interests, creating bonds that I see as long-lasting. And for those sisters that are already close to me, I feel as though our relationship strengthened even further. All ties that, for me, I know I will need.
I have been pretty transparent as to the struggles thus far with this whole process of producing my first production. However, many of the struggles that I have mentioned have been anxiety, stress, or people interactions. I haven't really talked about the emotional and spiritual journey that this entire thing has been taking me on (in addition to other areas within my life). Many of those burdens I took with me this weekend. I felt removed and as if I would just fail at life. That I was not as strong and confident as I should be to do this. But by the end of it, I was able to let go and release a lot of troubles out of my hand and put it (and leave it!) in God's.
Have you ever felt like that? That you were carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders? And right before you felt like you were about to hit the ground, something or someone comes along to help lift that burden. And it's like you can breathe again. Like your chest just opened up and all of this fresh air just rushed in. Well, I was able to make some room in this head of mine and just let my thoughts be.
This journey will be rough, there will be obstacles along the way. As I conquer one mole hill, I'll come across a mountain. But what I'm learning is that I not only have to recognize the battles, fight them and leave them there, in that moment. To trust that God will provide every direction, every step and open every door. He wouldn't be taking me on this journey if He did not already have the resources for me. I just have to be confident in that and not stress my life out! And by doing that, the rest will fall in place. I emotionally and spiritually won't be stressed out. Those things won't fall last on my list and get the least of my attention because I have entrusted everything else to the One that can and will work it all out.
As my weekend was winding down and I was checking out of my hotel, a friend of mine sent me a text message. Again, speaking to God's timing, it was so appropriate and sent to me at the right time. And as simple as the words were, it was exactly what I needed. I leave them with you:
"I hated every minute of training, but I said, 'Don't quit!' Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion."- Ali
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)