Disguised and hidden
If they only knew
The facade, the shamble, the rouse
The pain that screams out
Reflective on journey's passed
Wondering where the detour began
How I stepped foot down this road
Where I turn to get back on course
That has described my life for the past couple of months. Struggling to get back to where I felt like I needed to be. This year has been one of many events and turns in my life. It's funny when God has something so great planned for your life, how the enemy likes to come and knock you off course. So I've been wrestling with Satan trying to stay on course. And I admit, I got a little off course. But when God has designed and fashioned for you to do something, trust, it will get done. And my spirit yearned for Him to help me through my circumstances.
Over the past couple of weeks I kept hearing this one line of a song by Hillsong. It just kept playing over and over in my head. "Break my heart for what breaks yours." God finally brought me to a place where I couldn't take it anymore. My heart was breaking and I needed to change whatever was causing it. I want my heart to always break for what breaks His.
Lyrics | Hillsong United lyrics - Hosanna lyrics
I've had to make some pretty hard decisions lately. Many decisions that really hurt. And while I go through the pain of having made them, I don't regret doing so. I would rather live a life obedient to the King than doing what temporarily makes me happy. I would rather feel the pain now than suffer the consequences later. I would rather live a life pleasing to Him and trust what He has in store for me. Trust that whatever I thought was great now, what He has is far beyond my imagination. That that will pale in comparison. I want Him to shine so bright through me that others can see Him without me having to say a word.
It's kind of like starting all over, but that's okay. That just means that I get to experience falling in love with Him all over again. Experiencing the fire and passion again, and this time clinging on to it. Holding on tight and not letting go because my life literally depends on it.
Psalm 63
1 O God, you are my God;
I earnestly search for you.
My soul thirsts for you;
my whole body longs for you
in this parched and weary land
where there is no water.
2 I have seen you in your sanctuary
and gazed upon your power and glory.
3 Your unfailing love is better than life itself;
how I praise you!
4 I will praise you as long as I live,
lifting up my hands to you in prayer.
5 You satisfy me more than the richest feast.
I will praise you with songs of joy.
6 I lie awake thinking of you,
meditating on you through the night.
7 Because you are my helper,
I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings.
8 I cling to you;
your strong right hand holds me securely.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Dream Realized
Amazing! That is all that I can say about this past weekend. It was truly amazing. As I sat in my seat on Friday and watched something that I wrote being portrayed on stage, words could not explain the joy and exhilaration that I felt. Everyone afterward kept asking, "How do you feel?" All I could say was relief and this surreal air. It actually happened.
There were so many issues leading up to the opening of the show. Like soooo many. Tech rehearsals didn't go exactly as planned. My walls for the set didn't arrive until Thursday and weren't put together until Friday. I was painting my set 4 hours before doors were to open. But if all came together. The set, the sound, the lights, the props, the cast, everything. God worked it out. I told anyone that would listen that I couldn't take credit for any of it. It was truly a "But God" moment.
Both nights had a pretty decent crowd. And at the end of each night everyone that I spoke to said that the message was real. That they got what I was trying to say. That it truly touched them, religious or not. For that, it was all worth it. The long nights, the tears, the arguments, the delays. Even if only one person got it, I did my job. I thank God for using me as the vehicle to deliver that message and I don't take it lightly. I pray that He continues to use me.
This journey was a long one, and difficult, but I wouldn't trade any of it. I was doing what I loved and there's no feeling like it. Even in the moments when I wanted to throw up my hands and quit, my passion and desire for this wouldn't let me completely throw the towel in. Also, there were numerous people that pushed me along the way.
Adriene: I couldn't ask God or thank Him for a greater sister. You are amazing! Your talents and gifts are bigger than I think you know. I am so grateful for the sacrifices that you made for me during this process. I know that you will be rewarded so heavily for making them. You will go so far with all that you have inside of you.
Mommy: Not many people can say that they have parents that fully support them in everything that they do. I can and I am so appreciative. You took your own money to help make many things during this process happen. You were there to listen to us complain and to share the joyous moments. You were always ready and willing to step in when we needed. More than anything, you kept praying the entire time. And the prayers paid off. Thank you!
Courtney: Thank you for being such a motivating force through this all, for being a friend. For talking me off the ledge when those moments crept up. For being on top of your game when I needed you to be. For being so organized. For seeing the vision that I had and running with me to make it happen.
Latasha: You are a great woman and one that I truly look up to and admire. Thank you for stepping in and giving me such great advice. When the chips were down, thank you for being there to help me push through the hard times. To look pass the issue and see the prize.
MDP Crew: You all were sooo great! I didn't need to run behind any of you to do what needed to be done. Many times, you had things completed before I even needed to ask. I couldn't have asked for a better group of people to work with and trust with my baby.
CIAJ Cast: Lovely and wonderful group of people. You all are a beautiful cast and you brought my play to life. It was such a pleasure working with you all, watching you all on stage. You all will forever hold a special place in my heart. You all were the first players in this MDP journey. I don't think that the words Thank You are enough.
This is only for MaineDrama Productions. Like I said, this is me, MaineDrama in the making...
There were so many issues leading up to the opening of the show. Like soooo many. Tech rehearsals didn't go exactly as planned. My walls for the set didn't arrive until Thursday and weren't put together until Friday. I was painting my set 4 hours before doors were to open. But if all came together. The set, the sound, the lights, the props, the cast, everything. God worked it out. I told anyone that would listen that I couldn't take credit for any of it. It was truly a "But God" moment.
Both nights had a pretty decent crowd. And at the end of each night everyone that I spoke to said that the message was real. That they got what I was trying to say. That it truly touched them, religious or not. For that, it was all worth it. The long nights, the tears, the arguments, the delays. Even if only one person got it, I did my job. I thank God for using me as the vehicle to deliver that message and I don't take it lightly. I pray that He continues to use me.
This journey was a long one, and difficult, but I wouldn't trade any of it. I was doing what I loved and there's no feeling like it. Even in the moments when I wanted to throw up my hands and quit, my passion and desire for this wouldn't let me completely throw the towel in. Also, there were numerous people that pushed me along the way.
Adriene: I couldn't ask God or thank Him for a greater sister. You are amazing! Your talents and gifts are bigger than I think you know. I am so grateful for the sacrifices that you made for me during this process. I know that you will be rewarded so heavily for making them. You will go so far with all that you have inside of you.
Mommy: Not many people can say that they have parents that fully support them in everything that they do. I can and I am so appreciative. You took your own money to help make many things during this process happen. You were there to listen to us complain and to share the joyous moments. You were always ready and willing to step in when we needed. More than anything, you kept praying the entire time. And the prayers paid off. Thank you!
Courtney: Thank you for being such a motivating force through this all, for being a friend. For talking me off the ledge when those moments crept up. For being on top of your game when I needed you to be. For being so organized. For seeing the vision that I had and running with me to make it happen.
Latasha: You are a great woman and one that I truly look up to and admire. Thank you for stepping in and giving me such great advice. When the chips were down, thank you for being there to help me push through the hard times. To look pass the issue and see the prize.
MDP Crew: You all were sooo great! I didn't need to run behind any of you to do what needed to be done. Many times, you had things completed before I even needed to ask. I couldn't have asked for a better group of people to work with and trust with my baby.
CIAJ Cast: Lovely and wonderful group of people. You all are a beautiful cast and you brought my play to life. It was such a pleasure working with you all, watching you all on stage. You all will forever hold a special place in my heart. You all were the first players in this MDP journey. I don't think that the words Thank You are enough.
This is only for MaineDrama Productions. Like I said, this is me, MaineDrama in the making...
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Breathe
It's the calm before the storm...or maybe it's the storm before the calm. Either way, showtime is tomorrow and I am freaking out. Things aren't perfect and we all know that my Type A self does not handle that well. I just need to breathe. Breathe...breathe...
Come see the show!
Come see the show!
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Two Weeks and Counting...
I cannot believe that we are two weeks out from showtime! I remember my reading party back in August and just trying to arrange all of the details for that. And now, a show. Full cast, props, set, lights, advertising, marketing, ticket sales, costumes, drama...
I am absolutely grateful for everyone that has kept me going through all of this. As I have been writing in my posts, there have definitely been a number of times when I just wanted to throw in the towel. I thought that I couldn't do this, handle this. I thought that all of this was bigger than me. And you know what, I was right. It was too much for me and bigger than me. It was only with God's help that I could do any of this. So I want to give credit where credit is due. This isn't my doing, it's His.
While the small fires continue (as I just had to put one out a few days ago), there are the tiny blessings in between. And for that I am eternally grateful. By this time in two weeks, we will have done one show, preparing to do another. A dream that I have had for years, finally being realized.
So keep my cast and crew in your prayers, minds, and hearts as we round out to the end. This is when it really gets tough. Long nights, final meetings, last minute calls, sudden deliveries; it all comes down to this.
Don't forget, July 9th at 8pm and July 10th at 7pm. Tickets are on sale now!
$10 in advance
$5 for children 12 and under
$15 at the door
You can purchase your tickets online as well at:
http://www.smarttix.com/show.aspx?EID=&showCode=COU10&GUID=
The performance will be held at:
The National Church of God
6700 Bock Road
Fort Washington, MD 20744
Email: mainedramapro@gmail.com or call 301.567.9500 for more information
This is it!
I am absolutely grateful for everyone that has kept me going through all of this. As I have been writing in my posts, there have definitely been a number of times when I just wanted to throw in the towel. I thought that I couldn't do this, handle this. I thought that all of this was bigger than me. And you know what, I was right. It was too much for me and bigger than me. It was only with God's help that I could do any of this. So I want to give credit where credit is due. This isn't my doing, it's His.
While the small fires continue (as I just had to put one out a few days ago), there are the tiny blessings in between. And for that I am eternally grateful. By this time in two weeks, we will have done one show, preparing to do another. A dream that I have had for years, finally being realized.
So keep my cast and crew in your prayers, minds, and hearts as we round out to the end. This is when it really gets tough. Long nights, final meetings, last minute calls, sudden deliveries; it all comes down to this.
Don't forget, July 9th at 8pm and July 10th at 7pm. Tickets are on sale now!
$10 in advance
$5 for children 12 and under
$15 at the door
You can purchase your tickets online as well at:
http://www.smarttix.com/show.aspx?EID=&showCode=COU10&GUID=
The performance will be held at:
The National Church of God
6700 Bock Road
Fort Washington, MD 20744
Email: mainedramapro@gmail.com or call 301.567.9500 for more information
This is it!
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Winding Down...
So we are getting closer and closer to the opening of the show and I have been a nervous wreck. Seriously! It's been crazy, and as we get closer there are new problems popping up at every corner. It's a bit frustrating and I"m trying not to freak out. I'm trying to put a positive spin on it all. I keep telling myself that I have all of this opposition because this thing is suppose to happen. But I really just want to have a freak out moment. Deadlines weren't met on time, people were being unresponsive, and a whole bunch of other drama that I won't list. But they were all worthy of a freak out moment.
Now we are down to three weeks! THREE WEEKS!!!!!!!! Where did the time go? I remember having my reading party in August and now...The ride has been amazing and I have learned a lot about myself. I just pray that He continues to use me, despite my faults.
Tickets are now on sale! $10 for adults, $5 for children 12 and under, $15 at the door. Hit me up or email mainedramapro@gmail.com to find out how to purchase your tickets. Show times are July 9th at 8pm and July 10th at 7pm. Come on out and support.
Now we are down to three weeks! THREE WEEKS!!!!!!!! Where did the time go? I remember having my reading party in August and now...The ride has been amazing and I have learned a lot about myself. I just pray that He continues to use me, despite my faults.
Tickets are now on sale! $10 for adults, $5 for children 12 and under, $15 at the door. Hit me up or email mainedramapro@gmail.com to find out how to purchase your tickets. Show times are July 9th at 8pm and July 10th at 7pm. Come on out and support.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
FAIL?!?!?!
Rehearsals started this week and this week alone I have confronted soooo many issues. I feel like everytime I turn a corner, BAM, there's something else. It's so difficult and makes me question everything.
Is this the right time?
Will there ever be a right time?
Am I being punished for something I've done?
Was I hasty in my decisions?
Why is something always going wrong?
Should I call this whole thing off?
Should I give up?
Is this too hard?
I'm sure anyone that has started something that is close to their heart has been faced with these questions. And to be honest, I'm still asking them. But as much as all of the outside circumstances would tell me to throw in the towel, there is that nagging feeling in my gut that just won't let me let it go. How much greater and sweeter the end result when I pull this off.
When no one else will, I just need to keep encouraging myself that this CAN be done.
Is this the right time?
Will there ever be a right time?
Am I being punished for something I've done?
Was I hasty in my decisions?
Why is something always going wrong?
Should I call this whole thing off?
Should I give up?
Is this too hard?
I'm sure anyone that has started something that is close to their heart has been faced with these questions. And to be honest, I'm still asking them. But as much as all of the outside circumstances would tell me to throw in the towel, there is that nagging feeling in my gut that just won't let me let it go. How much greater and sweeter the end result when I pull this off.
When no one else will, I just need to keep encouraging myself that this CAN be done.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
A Dream Realized...Almost
Yeah, it's been a while. I know. Life has been amazingly busy! And now we are into April with rehearsals starting in less than a month. As we get closer and closer to the rehearsal dates, we move closer and closer to showtime. That scares the crap out of me. There is still so much to do. And with a job, extracurricular, and trying to lead some kind of social life here and there, the hours in the day run out quickly. I won't spout off my laundry list, but trust, there is still much to do.
I'm grateful for the people that God has placed around me to help put this production on. I am truly blessed to be given what I have when, in all other circumstances, this would be an impossibility. This is just the beginning. And I think that's what makes this production so nerve-wrecking for me. It's the realization of a dream. How many people can actually say that they are seeing what they desire and dream come into fruition? What started off as an idea in my head to discussing it with three friends at Silver Diner is materializing. I just don't want to screw any of it up. My work, my dreams, my hopes, on display for everyone to see and criticize. At the end of the day I know that my only goal is to please Him, but you still want people to like it, right?
What is the biggest motivation for me is seeing my friends around me who are pushing towards their dreams as well. It says to me, if they can do it Tramaine, so can you. And I know I can. If I fall and mess up, get up, learn from it, and keep moving. At the end of the day, I can't imagine doing anything else with me life. I love it!
I'm grateful for the people that God has placed around me to help put this production on. I am truly blessed to be given what I have when, in all other circumstances, this would be an impossibility. This is just the beginning. And I think that's what makes this production so nerve-wrecking for me. It's the realization of a dream. How many people can actually say that they are seeing what they desire and dream come into fruition? What started off as an idea in my head to discussing it with three friends at Silver Diner is materializing. I just don't want to screw any of it up. My work, my dreams, my hopes, on display for everyone to see and criticize. At the end of the day I know that my only goal is to please Him, but you still want people to like it, right?
What is the biggest motivation for me is seeing my friends around me who are pushing towards their dreams as well. It says to me, if they can do it Tramaine, so can you. And I know I can. If I fall and mess up, get up, learn from it, and keep moving. At the end of the day, I can't imagine doing anything else with me life. I love it!
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